scrying
Jasminne Morataya

after many years spent in the unknown, unstitched world–gehenna or golgotha or somewhere in east LA, you finally settled down. you lived on the first floor of a three floor walk-up, and figured someday you’d die there. you had a dog, and walked it around the lake every day instead of dying, or maybe as a means to augment the dying that was already happening to you, to give it texture and a sort of buoyancy.

your newest neighbor moved into the adjoining apartment at the end of a summer punctuated by catastrophic fires, car break-ins, and a general tenor of depression among the populace, muted or shouted aloud. you often parked your car along jeweled patches of automotive glass inlaid gently in asphalt lacunae. you struggled to keep it funny and light, the consolations or mantras seemed more meager and less than articulate under contemporary temporal conditions–every time the weird time, the bad time, the dark backward and abysmal crest of normalized malaise time.

the hallway outside was carpeted and ratty, and occasionally harbored obtrusive smells, the light was dim and yellow-arc’d. on the first of the month, you heard all the typical scrapings and thumping sounds that constituted the impoverished state of ‘moving in’ to the building, noises that you had cataloged and once experienced yourself, years ago. you met her one day when you were coming home, key momentarily useless in the lock.

she was nice enough, the intonation of her greeting fundamentally disarming and charming in its litheness. brunette, acutely kind, dressed down and humble vibe—the sleeves on her linen blouse slightly too long as if to communicate some invisible allegiance with a vulnerable peasant class of yore.

hi, i’m…

but as you looked into her eyes a single phrase invaded your mind, terraformed it, took over: perforated bowel. perforated bowel. her brown eyes were darker along the iris-pupil border, melding into each other slightly. perforated bowel. you were the only one who heard it, and it scared you. you introduced yourself uneasily and locked the door behind you.

—

you were out walking the dog. you saw a man up by the birds of paradise plants outside your neighbor’s window. his shirt was hiked up around his chest, and his pants were down.

uh–what are you doing?

i’m a pervert, what does it look like?

you looked past him, through the blinds. your neighbor was asleep on a couch, completely nude. you turned your head away quickly.

hey dude, i don’t think you’re supposed to be here, watching this, doing that.

i see a lot of things i’m not supposed to see, and do a lot of things i’m not supposed to do. that’s the point. if you knew anything about life, you’d be just like me.

you didn’t know what to say. it was getting harder and harder to talk to strangers. —

you knocked on her door, again altered by the strange pang, perforated bowel. after a moment, she opened it, yawning, enshrouded, enrobed.

what’s up? she asked.

hey, i don’t know how to tell you this, but there was a peeping tom outside your window.

oh yeah, it happens a lot.

the same guy, or different guys?

different guys.

does it not bother you?

no. if i knew anything about life, i’d be just like them. do you want to come in?

you faltered. she was more beautiful than you had previously considered, and you were quite lonely, but…perforated bowel, perforated bowel.

do you hear it? i asked.

no, i never hear it, but that’s how you’re going to die. somehow i just effectuate these realizations on the unreal plane.

are you a woman, or a thing? but she just smiled.

—

a few days passed. an alarming amount blood in your stool. you walked out into the bleak hallway, to confront your neighbor, to be placated, but she was gone. no furnishings in the apartment. the property manager said you made it all up, but you knew the truth.

Scrying, also referred to as “seeing” or “peeping,” is a practice rooted in divination and fortune-telling. It involves gazing into a medium, hoping to receive significant messages or visions that could offer personal guidance, prophecy, revelation, or inspiration. [Wikipedia]

Photos by Joshua Schaedel 

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